I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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