I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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