it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
