Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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