Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
