3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
