There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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