yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
