You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
love makes seman taste better
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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