I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
