he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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