Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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