I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I deserve this hangover.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
