it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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