Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
