My room smells like vodka and shame
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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