i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
