How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
