she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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