Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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