apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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