hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
