I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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