does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
