break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
