Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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