Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was like eating out sand paper
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
