Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
