i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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