His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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