how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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