You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
