Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
