he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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