Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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