My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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