you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
