Christians are straight up FREAKS
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
