i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
