My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
