Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
