dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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