so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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