There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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