Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
