Plan B is the new Plan A
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
