I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
