And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
