If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
