THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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