There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
