This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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