How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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