Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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