he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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