I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
