that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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