He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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