Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
