Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
