Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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