so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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