I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
