Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
