Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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