Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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