last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
