3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
