so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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