oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
