Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
