New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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