HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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