shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
