do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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