Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
