Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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