Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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